Doubting Thomas to 0% Doubtful in 20 years.

If you know anything about me, you know that I like to have control over almost every aspect of my life. For instance, if I let someone else drive, I might as well be driving because I watch their every move and am quick to speak up if they are being the least bit frightening. (p.s. hunker down for a long read...I have amazing news to share...you don't want to miss this) I have grown up in a Christian home, started at a Christian school, and have gone to church most of my life. Needless to say, I know the verses, I know the "rituals," I know the songs, I know the routine. But...I never experienced JOY, true JOY. Reading my Bible was insightful but I was never thirsting for it. I learned in church but I never took it to heart in my actions. I was not bearing the fruits of the Spirit. Maybe I would on occasion but because I wanted to do what was right, not what would glorify the risen Lord. Well these last couple of weeks God has been doing CRAZY things in my life...all for me. For almost twenty-years I tried to fool God, everyone around me, and even myself that I had really given my life (let me reword that...SURRENDERED) my life to Christ to willingly follow Him WHEREVER He wanted me to be. All this time I was holding onto my life with my pinky finger, trying not to make it obvious that I was still wanting to control some of my life. Well a few weeks ago I really felt like I should start to go to church again but I really didn't want to get involved in a new church and have it wander off like the past few I've been a part of had. So I woke up to watch Charles Stanley preach on tv. Turns out I woke up just at the end so I went online to see if I could watch it there and I could! He was talking (not ironically!) about the importance of being involved in a church. So I said, ok God... I'll give it a go! But I'm really not sure about this. I don't want to be uncomfortable, I don't want to have to go to 50 before I find a good one.... So I went to google while still watching the online sermon and listening to Dr. Stanley say "it's all about relationships" and I searched for churches in Boone. The first one on the list was Mt. Vernon Baptist Church. I clicked to see their website and what came scrolling across the front page? "it's all about relationships." WOW. Ok God. I'm there! The following Sunday I was home with my family and my mom asked me to go to church with them and I did. The following Sunday I got up to go to Mt. Vernon. Everything went wrong that morning. I was just about to give up on going because I was going to be late on top of everything else but I still went. I have never felt more loved in a church family before. That very morning the lady I sat next to in the service asked if she could show me where the college group met. I went (even though I was anxious about it) and it was awesome. I ended up knowing two people there and they made me feel more than welcome. That following week, the girl who I met and made me decide App is where I wanted to be invited me to go on the winter retreat with them (this past weekend). I followed my mom's advice to continue to get out of my comfort zone and go where God wanted me to be. So this past weekend I spent with a whole bunch of strangers that I feel like I have known my whole life. I met the godly mentor I had been wanting in my life for so long. I met an amazing group of girls (who I shared a cabin with--I had not met a single one of them before Friday night--SCARY!). Saturday morning as an amazing man of God was opening His mouth for God to use, we were asked to raise our hand if we were 100% sure of our salvation. I couldn't do it. I have never been to accept that Christ really did die so that I might live. I couldn't accept that I couldn't fix my own mistakes--that I couldn't control things! I was ashamed and wanted to fix it myself. But I realized the greatest thing to ever realize--I CAN'T DO IT. And God is not ashamed of me, even with my sins. I gave my life WHOLE-HEARTEDLY to Christ this weekend for the very first time. I found the JOY that I had thirsted for so long in my life. I tried to get it from friends, from my boyfriend, from my family, tv, music, even SCHOOL (which had become such an idol in my life because I wanted to have control over something that it pulled me further and further away from God...exactly what Satan wants.) I have no doubt in my mind that I will meet my maker one day and he will open His arms wide and say "welcome home." I can't wait for that day but I know until then that my purpose here on earth is to keep my mouth open, my hands and feet moving, my ears listening, and my heart humble and willing to go WHEREVER, WHENEVER, so that as many people as I meet will have the opportunity to share in this joy. We talked about this weekend how spiritual battles become stronger the more bold you are for the Lord, and the more you grow closer with Him and right now the only thing I can say to that is BRING IT ON! I have the power of the Lord Jesus Christ on my side and NOTHING can stop Him. NOTHING. If you have never experienced this joy in your life, I would be more than happy to share it with you ANYTIME of day or night. (p.s. if you have doubts about the science against the Bible...READ the Bible. you'll be amazed. I had the chance to do this last night with my (now former) boyfriend and we were both amazed. I encourage you to check it out.) I could never be more thankful for the God that loves us in spite of everything. He continually pursues us with unconditional, pure love with only our best in mind. We just have to let Him love us. Hallelujah!