Letting go, coming back.

I had no idea what the summer had in store for me. It certainly wasn't what I had expected. I worked harder and longer than I ever had, and I was pushed to limits I didn't even know I had. I was miserable most of the time. I was away from my family, away from David who was in in MA until the day before we moved in to our apartments in Boone, and highly unappreciated. All I wanted was to quit and go home but I kept on going because of some great people that were struggling along side of me. They were there to remind me that there's a bigger picture and that God always appreciates the work we do with a joyful heart. But regardless, my anxiety continued to be a struggle. It's been about a year now since I began to experience effects from anxiety and I'm beyond ready to get rid of it. But there I go again, wanting to fix things myself. Yes, I can take actions to make positive changes in my life, but I put the weight of these changes all on myself thinking that I can do it all. What I have been trying to remind myself is that in everything, I should be turning to God for strength, direction, joy, motivation, and to feel loved and appreciated. Because no matter what, I know that He is the one that will always be there for me and truly wants the best for me. But He won't force it on me, I have to choose that I want to let Him take care of me. It sounds crazy but I have always wanted to be self-sufficient so it is a constant struggle for me. So today starts my conscious and deliberate effort to surrender to God and let Him be my everything, to let go of control and come back to His loving arms. God is so good.