Willingness and Honesty

My thoughts have been consumed the last few days with the idea of willingness. At a meeting recently regarding "equity" in the sense of treating all people equally within institutions, someone suggested that the worst problems in the world could be cured by willingness. As scripture describes, we live in a fallen world that will continue to sin and suffer the consequences until its end, but it's interesting to think about what would change if people became more willing. If I were more willing to let go of my own plans, what could I accomplish? Even if people were more willing to talk– to speak their minds with a willingness to LISTEN to what others have to say. Willingness to accept differences, to look past differences, and sometimes to embrace differences.

Speaking of willingness, I realized after chewing on the idea for a few days that I have been unwilling to work out differences between myself and several people that I used to consider good friends. I continue to judge these people for actions in the past and ones that I have only heard rumored in some cases. Instead of handling these problems with prayer and direct communication, I have chosen to avoid the problems all together by simply not communicating. Then I looked at myself and recognized that, in holding something against these former friends, I am doing precisely what I am disgusted to see them doing! How can I possibly judge their sins when I am sinning by holding grudges against my brothers and sisters in Christ? God asks us for honesty, and willingness to forgive– neither of which I have exhibited in these relationships.  This is exactly why I have stayed away from churches! People just like myself! In talking with my mom about problems seen within the church, we discussed how Christians see themselves sometimes as better-than-human, and judge fellow Christians for wandering off the path. In the same way, non-Christians often see the church as being corrupt because they expect it to be better than human. But the reality is, even though Christians are transformed, they are still HUMAN. And humans are imperfect and make mistakes. The difference should be that those who have been changed should recognize their mistakes and ask forgiveness and make things right with those they have wronged, including God. So my goal for this week is to be WILLING to listen to God's direction, to act upon His words, and to get uncomfortable if necessary, in order to make things right.

James 4:12"...But you- who are you to judge your neighbor?"

Big Little Moments, Seeing Obligation as Opportunity

Ever thought about the random people in backgrounds of your pictures? Ever thought about how many people's pictures you might be in? It's pretty amazing how much we show up in each other people's lives. It made me wonder how I appear in those little moments. What if we had a picture of every moment? Would I be encouraging that stranger with a sincere smile and helping hand, or would I be avoiding eye contact, hoping not to be noticed or bothered by them? I think it's the difference between seeing people as being in your way, and being placed in your path. If anyone needs to learn this lesson, it's myself. I've recently been struggling with viewing obligation as opportunity. It's easy when you think about it, it's the thinking about it that's hard. Today as I was riding a very crowded bus back to my apartment and was left standing. Under normal circumstances, I don't mind being left standing. On the bus however, I am not tall enough to hold on to anything, so I was flying everywhere, just like the girl in front of me. A guy on the bus saw us standing and immediately stood so that she could have a seat. It put me in a better mood and I wasn't even directly involved! It's interesting to think about how big those little moments can be to someone, though. So, in addition to challenging myself by making obligation opportunity, I want to challenge myself to take advantage of those little moments and make them big moments (in a POSITIVE way), blessing others as much as I've been blessed.

 James 4:17 If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

Thankfully, we serve a forgiving God.

Letting go, coming back.

I had no idea what the summer had in store for me. It certainly wasn't what I had expected. I worked harder and longer than I ever had, and I was pushed to limits I didn't even know I had. I was miserable most of the time. I was away from my family, away from David who was in in MA until the day before we moved in to our apartments in Boone, and highly unappreciated. All I wanted was to quit and go home but I kept on going because of some great people that were struggling along side of me. They were there to remind me that there's a bigger picture and that God always appreciates the work we do with a joyful heart. But regardless, my anxiety continued to be a struggle. It's been about a year now since I began to experience effects from anxiety and I'm beyond ready to get rid of it. But there I go again, wanting to fix things myself. Yes, I can take actions to make positive changes in my life, but I put the weight of these changes all on myself thinking that I can do it all. What I have been trying to remind myself is that in everything, I should be turning to God for strength, direction, joy, motivation, and to feel loved and appreciated. Because no matter what, I know that He is the one that will always be there for me and truly wants the best for me. But He won't force it on me, I have to choose that I want to let Him take care of me. It sounds crazy but I have always wanted to be self-sufficient so it is a constant struggle for me. So today starts my conscious and deliberate effort to surrender to God and let Him be my everything, to let go of control and come back to His loving arms. God is so good.