Shutting Up

The difficulties in knowing when and how to shut up have been on my mind a lot this week. Since last weekend I have found it difficult to shut up. All I want to do is talk about the RADICAL change that has taken place in my life and what God can do of the lives of the unbelievers. I have found that this ruffles quite a few feathers– I guess I somewhat expected people to be more open to hearing about something so wonderful, but I can't help but remember my own fears. Now, after a week of having this endless urge to share what I have found, I am feeling discouraged by the responses I have gotten. I keep trying to remind myself however, that I SHOULD be ruffling up some feathers. We are called to be lights in a dark world. We should look awkward, out of place, different, and maybe a little bit crazy! But then I have fears of pushing people away. If I don't shut up, maybe they won't want to be friends anymore because they find it annoying, offensive, or just don't care. But nowhere in the Bible does it say I should worry about these things! So regarding my first dilemma regarding shutting up, I will chose not to. I want to know that I have done absolutely everything I can to further the cause of Christ.

A second issue with shutting up is when it comes to listening, to God and to others. In this regard, I need to practice the whole shutting-up thing. It is SO easy to want to fill the silences with our own words but God wants to use those to fill our hearts with His words. Notice I said I need to PRACTICE this. It's not something that I will learn overnight or from going to church, but only by deciding to quiet myself, daily, in order for Him to be heard.

What about wanting other people to shut up? I've had my fair share of struggles with that this past week. There are certain people in my life that I find difficult to love, and often times, I just wish they would shut up. But each and every one of them is intentionally created by God, therefore I need to learn to love them the best way I can. My prayer this week is that I can find ways to love these people in my life for who they are, not who I wish they would be, and to open my mind and heart to see the purpose God has for placing them in my life.

Luke 6:27

27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

Mark 12:30-31

³⁰ And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’^[a] This is the first commandment.^[b

^{31 And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’[a] There is no other commandment greater than these.” ]}

"The flowers of the field are dying to be heard..."

Luke 19:40 (King James Version)

 ⁴⁰And he answered and said unto them, I tell you that, if these should hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out.

So until I no longer have a mouth capable of speaking His praise and glorifying His name, I will not "hold my peace." Satan wants me to believe that I am annoying people, that I will lose my friends, and that I am wasting my time, but I know that silence will do nothing to further the kingdom of God and if I chose not to work towards that goal, what is my point in continuing to breathe?

One last thing to mention about shutting up, it's been over a week now since I have turned the tv on for anything. This is an easy way to shut up some of the distractions in your life! I hung a painting over mine so that I would constantly be reminded not to become entranced by the nothingness that is called tv. I had set a goal to go without for a week and I looked to see what to turn on tonight and there was absolutely nothing worth watching, so the painting is staying up! My next challenge, shutting up Facebook! Think I can handle a week without both?

Luke 6:22-23 (NIV)
Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. Rejoice in the day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their fathers treated the prophets.

Doubting Thomas to 0% Doubtful in 20 years.

If you know anything about me, you know that I like to have control over almost every aspect of my life. For instance, if I let someone else drive, I might as well be driving because I watch their every move and am quick to speak up if they are being the least bit frightening. (p.s. hunker down for a long read...I have amazing news to share...you don't want to miss this) I have grown up in a Christian home, started at a Christian school, and have gone to church most of my life. Needless to say, I know the verses, I know the "rituals," I know the songs, I know the routine. But...I never experienced JOY, true JOY. Reading my Bible was insightful but I was never thirsting for it. I learned in church but I never took it to heart in my actions. I was not bearing the fruits of the Spirit. Maybe I would on occasion but because I wanted to do what was right, not what would glorify the risen Lord. Well these last couple of weeks God has been doing CRAZY things in my life...all for me. For almost twenty-years I tried to fool God, everyone around me, and even myself that I had really given my life (let me reword that...SURRENDERED) my life to Christ to willingly follow Him WHEREVER He wanted me to be. All this time I was holding onto my life with my pinky finger, trying not to make it obvious that I was still wanting to control some of my life. Well a few weeks ago I really felt like I should start to go to church again but I really didn't want to get involved in a new church and have it wander off like the past few I've been a part of had. So I woke up to watch Charles Stanley preach on tv. Turns out I woke up just at the end so I went online to see if I could watch it there and I could! He was talking (not ironically!) about the importance of being involved in a church. So I said, ok God... I'll give it a go! But I'm really not sure about this. I don't want to be uncomfortable, I don't want to have to go to 50 before I find a good one.... So I went to google while still watching the online sermon and listening to Dr. Stanley say "it's all about relationships" and I searched for churches in Boone. The first one on the list was Mt. Vernon Baptist Church. I clicked to see their website and what came scrolling across the front page? "it's all about relationships." WOW. Ok God. I'm there! The following Sunday I was home with my family and my mom asked me to go to church with them and I did. The following Sunday I got up to go to Mt. Vernon. Everything went wrong that morning. I was just about to give up on going because I was going to be late on top of everything else but I still went. I have never felt more loved in a church family before. That very morning the lady I sat next to in the service asked if she could show me where the college group met. I went (even though I was anxious about it) and it was awesome. I ended up knowing two people there and they made me feel more than welcome. That following week, the girl who I met and made me decide App is where I wanted to be invited me to go on the winter retreat with them (this past weekend). I followed my mom's advice to continue to get out of my comfort zone and go where God wanted me to be. So this past weekend I spent with a whole bunch of strangers that I feel like I have known my whole life. I met the godly mentor I had been wanting in my life for so long. I met an amazing group of girls (who I shared a cabin with--I had not met a single one of them before Friday night--SCARY!). Saturday morning as an amazing man of God was opening His mouth for God to use, we were asked to raise our hand if we were 100% sure of our salvation. I couldn't do it. I have never been to accept that Christ really did die so that I might live. I couldn't accept that I couldn't fix my own mistakes--that I couldn't control things! I was ashamed and wanted to fix it myself. But I realized the greatest thing to ever realize--I CAN'T DO IT. And God is not ashamed of me, even with my sins. I gave my life WHOLE-HEARTEDLY to Christ this weekend for the very first time. I found the JOY that I had thirsted for so long in my life. I tried to get it from friends, from my boyfriend, from my family, tv, music, even SCHOOL (which had become such an idol in my life because I wanted to have control over something that it pulled me further and further away from God...exactly what Satan wants.) I have no doubt in my mind that I will meet my maker one day and he will open His arms wide and say "welcome home." I can't wait for that day but I know until then that my purpose here on earth is to keep my mouth open, my hands and feet moving, my ears listening, and my heart humble and willing to go WHEREVER, WHENEVER, so that as many people as I meet will have the opportunity to share in this joy. We talked about this weekend how spiritual battles become stronger the more bold you are for the Lord, and the more you grow closer with Him and right now the only thing I can say to that is BRING IT ON! I have the power of the Lord Jesus Christ on my side and NOTHING can stop Him. NOTHING. If you have never experienced this joy in your life, I would be more than happy to share it with you ANYTIME of day or night. (p.s. if you have doubts about the science against the Bible...READ the Bible. you'll be amazed. I had the chance to do this last night with my (now former) boyfriend and we were both amazed. I encourage you to check it out.) I could never be more thankful for the God that loves us in spite of everything. He continually pursues us with unconditional, pure love with only our best in mind. We just have to let Him love us. Hallelujah!

Hopes and Dreams

I was finally feeling motivated last night and decided to take on the daunting challenge of going through the pile of stuff that has been sitting in the corner of my apartment for a few months. It had steadily grown as I came across more and more stuff that I didn't want to deal with at the time. But, it's done! Finally. And it feels wonderful to not have that pile of things to address looming in the room. In sorting through all the papers and random trinkets I found a list I made a few months ago of things I wanted to do in life. It looks a little like this:
I want to...
learn to draw (well!)
hike the appalachian trail
live (and teach) in another country (or countries)
go to photography school
travel to every world region
live environmentally friendly
take care of myself
strengthen my faith
gain self-confidence
adopt a child
get married
learn how to drive a motorcycle
diversify my cooking (and keeping it healthy!)
exercise regularly
run a 5k
volunteer regularly
read history through biographies
learn how to make tortillas & atol
go to Seattle
visit every state.

I have not been very successful in completing many of these dreams, but I'm still here! It was really interesting to see what I wanted a few months ago and comparing it to what I want to do in life now. If I were to make a new list it would definitely resemble this list, but there would be some major changes, as my priorities have changed. In as little as a few months my hopes and desires have changed significantly. I can't begin to imagine what they will look like a few years  from now! But I had a thought this morning– as much as my hopes and dreams change as I get older, God's hopes and dreams for my life never change. He wants me to love Him, love people, and love myself (as I am His creation). He wants nothing but the best for me, but... He wants to trust His guidance to know what that is in my life. As much as I want to cling to my list of hopes and dreams, I really need to work on reminding myself what it can mean for my life if I surrender my future to His  list of hopes and dreams. It can be really difficult to ACT as though I know He has the best planned for me. But reality is, He does! So my goal for this week is to prayerfully seek His plans for my life and keep my heart and mind open for what those plans are. With all the crazy uncertainty in life, isn't it great to serve a God who never changes?

Where did chilvalry go?

Another bus ride, another story. Once again there were a good number of women left standing in the aisle of the bus when we left the main stop. The (male) driver yelled back suggesting that some of the guys stand so the ladies could have a seat. No one moved. Not a single one! One of the women standing looked around and commented that chivalry was dead. And I have to admit, I was slightly disgusted that none of the guys stood. But as the day went on, I was trying to figure out exactly why chivalry was dead. And the more I thought about it, I think the killers were none other than us women! We want it both ways, to be considered equal to men and to be able to freely express ourselves and our opinions (no matter our tact), but we want the respect that comes with "submitting to our husbands." When women began seeing the role of the wife as limiting and confined, they began pushing the boundaries of sexuality, the role of women in society, how the workplace should be defined, and their rights. The more they pushed these boundaries, the less  respect it seems they received. We say we want to be independent, confident, and powerful as women, but then we want to be cared for and respected as if we  were humble and respectful women, ourselves. What happened to women acting as if they should be given respect? I think a new goal of mine is to consciously be that kind of woman– one that deserves respect because I give it to those who have authority in my life (including my heavenly Father), and knows and respects the special role that God has given women. We have a truly amazing role to fulfill for the men in our lives, and I really believe that if we take that role seriously, we will truly earn their respect and be able to support them in the way we should. And just maybe...we can bring chivalry back (at least in our own lives) the way we used to see it. Isn't it amazing how God planned everything just right? We all have our own unique roles in life, and if we listen and pray about ours and work to fulfill it, we will enjoy the blessings that follow. We serve an awesome and beyond intelligent God.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.